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Level Up Your Soft Skills to Grow Your Career

March 5th, 2020

A colleague recently asked about increasing soft skills, including resources and how to go about it. Here is my answer and the link to the article she wrote from it.

Lezlie, thanks for asking about leveling up soft skills. Blessedly, there are tremendous free and low-cost options for people to obtain professional development online and in-person. Typically, that in-person training is more at corporate, community college, and community center/library level, whereas online comes from multiple sources, including LinkedIn. However, individuals must be careful in thinking that any course can transmit into soft skills immediately. Mentorship is also incredibly valuable. From interpersonal communication, public speaking, conflict management, and emotional intelligence, to trend awareness, situational awareness, and time management, all of these skills are developed over time and with practice. This means practicing with others, using it in your daily interactions and approaches in your workplace and personal life, and realizing you can’t work on 10 of these simultaneously. Just like learning a new language, it is with use that you gain proficiency. Read about them, take courses in them, and use them. As a couple of skills start to become more routine to you, add another. Also, remember that others come equipped with certain skills you don’t have and vice versa, so learn from them.

https://www.resumelezlie.com/how-to-dominate-your-career-change-with-soft-skills/

Karen Silins is a multi-certified, award winning resume writer, career, business and personal branding coach working with individuals and small businesses. After graduating with degrees in education and vocal performance, she made her own career transition into the Human Resources realm. Karen left Human Resources to become an entrepreneur and help jobseekers, executives and fellow entrepreneurs achieve their goals. She keeps current regarding trends in the resume writing, coaching, HR, small business and marketing industries by working daily with individual clients on resume development and career coaching, executive/career management coaching, consulting for small businesses in business plan development, marketing, blogging, hiring and overall HR processes, and providing 20-50+ seminars and workshops annually to a variety of organizations in the greater Kansas City area. She can be reached via her website at www.careerandresume.com.

Categories Career Coaching, Career Management, Careers, Job Search, Personal Branding
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Corporate America: Stop Finding Ridiculous Reasons to Downsize, Fire or Replace Employees to Boost Your Bottom Line

November 15th, 2019

Well, it just happened again, and I doubt the trend will stop. Employers firing an employee without cause (they are never told why), or just making up something despite video, performance review, or other evidence to the contrary, to downsize or replace employees. If you are going to downsize, do it formally and publicly and take the hit on your reputation. If you are going to replace employees with someone cheaper, then I encourage those former employees to go onto Glassdoor and have at it in the critique section. The almighty dollar is not so important that you must wreak havoc on an employee’s life temporarily, cause heart-harming anxiety, send them into emergency job search mode, and put them into financial chaos because you want to save a buck. The worst part – it never works out, and the company will always lose down the road in loss of clients, employee attrition due to fear and overwork, and a terrible reputation.

But Karen, you don’t understand, we have shareholders. Yes, I do, I own stock in companies, but I don’t expect them to treat employees like cattle to the slaughter because they are too cheap to do the right thing. This is never about the average shareholder, it’s about the board of directors and the officers/executives of the company who want to make more money and are the often the largest shareholders. The “for all the shareholders good” is just an excuse.

I was hoping after the economic downturn/great recession, employers would be increasingly mindful of the harm this has done. Apparently, that is not the case.

People are not “resources” or “capital” or whatever non-human reference you use. Corporate America’s consistent exploitation of downsizing, firing and position elimination to save money is both illogical and unethical. You cannot “save” your way to profit, because ultimately you sacrifice your clients and other employees on the altar of “cost saving synergies” and your bottom line. Complaints of lack of service due to a shortage of employees or inexperienced staff are always signs of a company that only cares about short-term gain.

Then you must hate Corporate American, you say? Absolutely not, as there are as many companies doing things right, as there are doing things wrong. Many businesses did learn after our great recession, or hired new leadership to create a better environment. I actually love Corporate America, am an avowed capitalist (as socialism creates the ultimate in inequity), and believe in the power of companies to do great good for our society! I am also a Jobseeker Advocate and WILL NOT be silent when I see shameful behavior that negatively effects my clients. I do have the responsibility of using my social media presence, industry standing and bit of a bully pulpit, to make it clear to those employing such tactics that this type of reprehensible conduct will not be tolerated.

Having said the above, there are times where in order to save a company, some employees must be downsized. Likewise, when mergers or acquisitions occur, there could be many duplicate positions and not enough other positions within the company that those duplicates can fill, so some must be laid off. I am not unsympathetic in any way to those realities. Instead, I am going after those that use firings to avoid paying unemployment (I have a list), accuse employees of absolute lies in order to make room for cheaper employees, eliminate positions without putting those employees in lateral (equally paid) positions that need filled, downsize because some board member or hedge fund investor wants to see a little more profit, or any combination of the above.

But you say, Karen, how do you know these things are really happening, couldn’t that just be your client’s opinion? After 20 years in this business, I have executive, internal employee and HR contacts you wouldn’t believe, and I can always get the real story. I then combine that with proof the clients provide me from performance reviews, client letters, awards received, and other documentation to get a clear picture. If you hear the same thing over and over again… Once can be an exception. Twice can be a coincidence. Three times is a trend.

Daily, I work with companies, not just individuals, who treat their employees as people, not numbers, and as valued contributors to their organization. These will be the companies that will ultimately thrive as paradigm shifts beget a new society of workers demanding to be treated as a human being. This will be the greatest gift Millennial’s and Generation Z employees bring to the workforce. However, to the companies using these unscrupulous tactics, you have now been put on notice!

Categories Career Coaching, Career Management, Human Resources, Job Search, Opinion
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The Salary Gap: What We Can Do About It

October 8th, 2019

According to an October 3rd, 2019 article in the Harvard Business Review: Closing the Gender Wealth Gap by Nicole Torres, the trend of companies to do little to nothing in closing the gender pay gap continues. “In the United States, women who work year-round earn somewhere near 82 cents for every dollar earned by men. But they only own about 32 cents for every dollar of wealth owned by men. Both of these gaps are far more acute for black and Latina women.”

This article isn’t about companies indiscriminately raising the pay of women in mass to the same as men as not all experience, education, certifications, etc., are the same. It is about analyzing where the disparities are occurring. Take one of my clients, we will call her Sara. Sara works for a Fortune 500 company, holds a coveted certification that none of the men in her department possess but is required for many in her job, has a specialized and related degree that her fellow employees lack, is the go-to for challenging clients which results in overbooking of her schedule, has a stellar set of performance reviews, and has been in this department for 15+ years (longer than most of the other employees), and yet, still gets paid $30,000 less than her counterparts. Thus, why she is working with me.

The company (including HR) doesn’t care about the inconsistency, nor does her management chain. She is just told “that is the way it is, you accepted the pay we gave you earlier” and “it was your choice to get that certification.” Really, do these particular HR and management personnel live in reality? No, they don’t, but if they analyze her pay discrepancy, they must look at all of their employees. The only thing that will force this organization to do so is a lawsuit, and it can’t be from a lone employee, it must come from many within the organization. The men in her department back her up, have asked that she be paid appropriately commensurate with her experience, skill, education and certification, and openly offered up their salaries to her for proof of the issue. These men are truly backing her up. But to no avail.

Another female client holds two certifications a large company had advertised as either “necessary or desired” in their ad, but offered her nearly $60,000 less than others in the organization without certifications. The one female employee she interviewed with stated she was embarrassed by the offer, but there was nothing she could do. The man (the manager) who interviewed her spent half the interview disparaging her experience and education, and then made her the insulting offer. Wouldn’t want to negatively impact that annual management bonus with a fairly paid employee, now would we? She turned them down. While she needed a job, she didn’t need that type of environment.

I thank my lucky stars every day that my parents taught me I could do anything I put my mind to, and to never accept discrimination of any type. My wonderful husband instills this same belief in me to this day. So, blessedly this has not happened to me, but it has happened to too many of my clients, and that is why I have three specialized employment attorneys that I provide as a referral when necessary.

What can we do to stop this, both men and women? First, awareness, by knowing it exists, and working to root it out. Second, ban the asking of prior and current salary. This is only used to discriminate in the salary offer phase against any potential employee, regardless of gender. A question of “salary desired” is more than enough to give a company the proper information about your pay requirements, while the interview, talking with references, and confirmation of credentials, if necessary, gives more context on appropriate pay rate. Third, perhaps employees should start getting together where they feel a gap exists, and talk about tenure, performance reviews and salary expectations within their company. It doesn’t mean that people must tell or show others what they are paid. However, it does mean where someone sees an imbalance, they make it known to the person negatively impacted (and this isn’t always women, sometimes it is a man). Fourth, ask for appropriate salary. Do your research and know what your industry pays. Be willing to turn down or leave a job that won’t pay appropriately. Lastly, some class action lawsuits may be necessary. As much as I hate the idea of litigation, sometimes it is the only way to get a lasting change.

Many a company around the country has been sued regarding job titles and their salary rates, resulting in compensation analysis and the awarding of back pay to employees. Some companies just change the job titles of employees so they can get away with low-paying of their staff, to potentially sell their company (this always looks good on the books), and/or hopefully avoid a lawsuit. This is something that impacts men and women, is the potential subject of another blog post, and is merely the reverse side of the same coin concerning inequitable salary. There is also some irony in my opening of an article this morning on TLNT.com, from EREMedia: Before You Decide Pay Raises, Do a Pay Fairness Audit by Kathleen McLeod Caminiti and Sarah Wieselthier.

Know your value and don’t be afraid to ask for more in the salary negotiation phase, regardless of what they offer you initially. If you don’t ask, you will never know if you could have gotten more money. Show them proof of salary research based on your true years of experience (not cobbled together, but actual length of unquestionably related experience – your biggest selling point). Use several of the free salary tools online to create a balanced report based on your industry, state and city, education/certifications/training, and years of experience. This includes what their company typically pays as is often provided via a Glassdoor.com search. If you feel lost in doing this type of task, or have difficulty identifying your true experience and value, contact a resume writer or career coach with experience in this area, who can help you.

Before you ever walk into an interview (or do a phone interview), you should understand the benefits you can bring to an organization, and know the bonus skills and experience you provide that might be of additional advantage. Do your research and find out everything you can in the interview about their culture. Get a tour of the facility, meet other employees and find out tenure rates (particularly in the department where you will work), and take your time, don’t be rushed into a decision. Any company that demands you accept or reject their job offer while sitting in the interview chair is a company that will treat you poorly. ASK QUESTIONS – never let an interviewer tell you to hold your questions until the end of the interview as you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. If you do your due diligence from the moment you start a job search, chances are, you will find a job that is satisfying, that won’t cause your heart to sink every Sunday evening, or stress you out 24/7.

In closing, money isn’t everything. If you chase it, there will never be enough. If that is all you want in your job, you will never be satisfied or happy. Besides, what we really need and what we want are often very different. You must view the whole picture, not just a part of it. Wonderful colleagues, a great boss, good benefits, a decent commute, feeling like your work makes a difference, enjoying the work you do, and being treated as a person not a “resource,” can beat a high salary any day of the week!

Categories Business Coaching, Career Coaching, Career Management, Careers, Human Resources, Interviews, Job Search
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Salary Negotiation Tips

August 7th, 2019

From 60-75% of the candidates who ask for more money, get it. So, if you don’t ask, you will always wonder if you could have increased your salary from the start. You can either have a number in mind, for instance: I was hoping for closer to $55,000 versus $49,000. What can you do to potentially help bridge the gap?” Or, you can ask them in general what they can do in offering more money, or, you can accept what they offer, no questions ask.

Many times, they will give you more. Even if it is only $1,000 a year more, that is an increase the appreciates over time through the potential raises, bonuses, and commission, which are often based on a percentage of your salary. I have never heard of someone being told their job offer was rescinded just by asking if there was the potential for additional salary.

Categories Career Management, Career Transition, Interviews, Job Search
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Know Your Value

July 8th, 2019

“We often don’t realize our true value until after we negotiate a salary and benefits package. Know your value, don’t just take that first offer. Show them you are multifaceted and provide cross functional experience that is worthy of a better offer. Most companies will give you more, you just need to ask.” – Karen Silins

Categories Career Coaching, Career Management, Career Transition, Careers, Interviews, Job Search
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Social Media Spammers: Why I Won’t Buy Your Stuff or Give You Free Help

May 31st, 2019

Okay, you are on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc., and you are a jobseeker, need some career advice, or are a business owner. How do you develop a relationship with someone you don’t know? Well, right now the way many are trying to develop that rapport is by spamming connections the moment we accept their invite, and often with multiple “InMails” attempting to sell us something or get free career or business help.

As a business owner, and as someone who provides help to jobseekers and business owners, I am sensitive to the need to cultivate business or garner valuable networking contacts. On the other hand, no one likes the person who just wants free help or tries to get you to buy their service or product from the get-go. The issue has become so obnoxious on the business side (people wanting to sell me products or services) that I have resorted to providing a free coaching moment or a very nice refusal via the particular social media venues InMail or messaging service. Here are the two things I say, depending on the situation:

Coaching Moment Email:

I know you are anxious to build your business or career and would like to offer you a free coaching tip to help you expand your network in a way that cultivates a relationship. I truly appreciate your inquiry but will tell you that networking is always and will always be about establishing a bond with the other party first. Networking is NEVER ABOUT YOU or your needs, but the other person. It works because you are offering them something of value that has nothing to do with your work or what you want. It’s also not an item or article you or a person you are in business with created. This “value” could be a networking contact you think might be useful to them (outside of your business partnerships), a referral, tip, hint, lead, etc., to open the door to an initial conversation, and then you can approach them after a real affinity is developed, but not until then.

Linking with someone and immediately asking for referrals, business or connections without the foundation of a relationship is no different than walking up to someone on the street and asking them for any of the above. It is the rapport that builds trust and gives a person the proper context to offer help, and it is both give and take.

While I understand the reason for the InMail, many won’t be as understanding, and it could ultimately work to alienate you instead of creating a connection. Since I coach people on how to network, I wanted to share this free tip with you. I am hoping this will assist you in building a dynamic and worthy network of connections and create a true rapport with others that could lead to your next opportunity. Best wishes and many blessings, Karen Silins

Nice Refusal:

I am very happy in my current business, and love what I do, and do not desire to increase my workload at this time. I greatly appreciate your inquiry and wish you many blessings in your business. Karen

Believe it or not, most are very kind about it or don’t respond, though we remain connected. Sometimes they even reach back out to let me know they are changing their approach. However, I did recently get a response from someone saying. “I know you are a business woman!! But I would be a jerk for not sharing this!!! Can’t you afford three minutes to help your clients, etc., etc.” Hmm, snarky and unpleasant – not going to get my positive attention that way, oh, and I disconnected from you. This whole exchange started with a common ruse of “I need your help, can I get a few moments of your time” or something similar. My colleagues and myself must respond to these requests, as it could be a person wanting to discuss services or just has a very quick question that we can help them with, but too frequently it is a spammer. Nevertheless, the initial trick of needing my help is not an introduction to do business. No relationship has been developed.

Remember, the acceptance of a connection is not an tacit invitation to start asking people to help you without formation of at least an initial rapport. Immediately sending out an article, white paper, software trial, etc., that you, your friend or business upline/connection authored is not a proper way to cultivate a client either. The resource or other help you provide must always be external to what you want to sell or the advice you seek. Furthermore, the initial contact email or InMail saying you are looking to connect with “like-minded” coaches, business owners, or wanting to learn more about my business, etc., is not a relationship builder either, it’s just spam if all you want to do is sell them something.

Know that wanting help or business immediately and for free from a new contact is improper and will definitely get you uninvited/unfriended from many a social media connection. Finally, please consider that you are taking people’s valuable time when you ask them to read your marketing email or want help, but in no way want to repay them for the help. Furthermore, the supposed “I will pay you later after I get a new job or you just have to see this business venture I am offering you,” is not a payment. In most cases you are chasing away leads and losing links to others because many of my colleagues, clients and acquaintances just delete you. That is no way to run a business or a job search. Help yourself by helping others first, and be of value, it will result in your business and/or career thriving!

Categories Business Coaching, Career Management, Careers, Job Search, Networking, Opinion
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Kindness: A Daily Event

February 22nd, 2019

Random Acts of Kindness Day was Sunday, February 17 and Valentine’s Day just occurred a few days prior. What have you done recently to make someone else’s life better, happier, or just to brighten a stranger’s day? Money has nothing to do with this challenge. Just smiling at those you meet and saying hello to those that smile back can make a person’s day. All it cost you was a facial expression. For those of you wanting to do more, donate all those excess clothes or some old but still useful furniture, or pay for the person’s order behind you at the coffee shop, fast food restaurant or the dry cleaners. See a struggling Mom or Dad in a store with a child who is fussy. Of course, everyone else seems so “annoyed” that a child might act like a child and be grouchy. How about being the one to sympathize, empathize, or even try to entertain the child a bit with a smile. How about a handwritten note or handmade card for someone you care about who needs a pick-me-up?

Look up from that phone, or even better, purposely don’t make calls or texts while you are running around on errands, and spend time noticing who might need cheering up. Random acts of kindness should be every day, not just on a special day of the year or around Christmas and New Years’ time. Take time for someone else today, it will make your day too!

Categories Career Management, Inspiration, Opinion, Personal Branding
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Why You Should Still Give Notice

January 14th, 2019

I just read articles on LinkedIn and again in the HR Executive magazine last week, stating that giving notice to an employer is becoming somewhat passé. Really, hmmm. Politeness is lacking enough in our society, and now employees are becoming so numb to simple courtesy that they can’t give a two-week notice. I can hear it now, but Karen, they don’t treat me well, or my new job starts in a week and they didn’t want me to give as much notice, or they will send me home when I give notice anyway. And…., you can still act like an adult and give notice. I am sorry if that seems harsh, but if you think that behavior is appropriate, I guarantee it will come back on you at some point.

Let’s take the employer who wants you to give limited or no notice to your current employer because they need you to start next week. Do you really think that employer will give a damn about you and your needs, ever, if they are that disrespectful of other employers and your reputation? You are just biding your time at that company until a manager fires you for no reason or downsizes you.

Consider the employer who you feel doesn’t treat you well. Now, like an impertinent child this is how you get back at them. No, instead you go on Glassdoor and tell the truth about your experience, without using words like mean and unfair, and instead talk about the lack of pay or too many hours of overtime, limited or no benefits, etc., but make sure your complaint is true and not just something you didn’t like, When you leave the company however, you still show you are a class act, and give formal two-week notice.

The last one I posited above concerning employers that often don’t let their employees complete the two weeks still doesn’t let you off the hook. You can just let your new employer know that frequently your current and soon to be past employer won’t let employees giving notice stay in order to protect confidential information and avoid office drama and theft. Trust me, they understand.

Have I ever said to someone “don’t give two-weeks of notice?” Yes, I have, and that was due to the potential of retribution by the employer, and there was proof of that retribution before with other employees. The notice was not withheld to be rude or because my client was lacking common courtesy. Unless the former is the case, a formal two-week letter of notice is always recommended.

Accordingly, have I always given a two-week notice – YES, and then some with one exception. Every summer during college I always let them know at the beginning of the time I started with them when I would leave and reminded them a month prior. When I started working in the full-time corporate world the jobs received one month, and the last one, three months prior to my leaving. I respected my bosses enough to give them time to find someone to fill my spot and still give me a little time to train them. The only job for which I did not give notice was one where everyone smoked indoors (this was before the law changed) and due to my asthma and the problems I started having health-wise my physician essentially demanded I quit the day of an appointment. I had a discussion with my manager and the owner and let them know why, had a doctor’s letter with his request they call with any questions, and everyone seemed satisfied this was the best choice for my health. They wrote me a wonderful Letter of Recommendation despite my only being there a very short time.

I realize it can be hard to stay in a place you don’t care for, with a boss that might be difficult to work with, or coworkers that are unprofessional, but it will only be for two weeks and then you can leave with your head held high. Furthermore, you don’t get a reputation for leaving employers in a lurch, something that can follow you, especially within an industry.

Take the high road, give formal notice of two weeks to every employer. This isn’t about how they handle it, it’s about you and your career!

Karen Silins is a multi-certified, award winning resume writer, career, business and personal branding coach working with individuals and small businesses. After graduating with degrees in education and vocal performance, she made her own career transition into the Human Resources realm. Karen left Human Resources to become an entrepreneur and help jobseekers, executives and fellow entrepreneurs achieve their goals. She keeps current regarding trends in the resume writing, coaching, HR, small business and marketing industries by working daily with individual clients on resume development and career coaching, executive/career management coaching, consulting for small businesses in business plan development, marketing, blogging, hiring and overall HR processes, and providing 30-70+ seminars and workshops annually to a variety of organizations in the greater Kansas City area. She can be reached via her website at www.careerandresume.com.

Categories Career Management, Careers, Job Search
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A Worthy New Year’s Resolution: Invest in YOU!

December 26th, 2018

Now is the time we all make that New Year’s resolutions list. My question to you is how often list includes investing in your personal and professional development? I’m not talking about buying yourself a present or an espresso, losing weight, exercising more, or the myriad of typical resolutions. I mean true investment in your career and life? While many in the workforce claim they want this benefit from an organization they work for, when offered it is often not utilized unless companies force the issue and require training. This article is to steer you towards investing in yourself for 2019.

Just like you lose money and essentially work for free a part of each day if your company offers a 401K with a match and you do not take advantage of the “free money,” the same goes for personal and professional development. From taking a cooking or photography course to Business Writing, Microsoft Excel or Stephen Covey’s Seven Habit’s course, you gain insight into you, learn something new, expand personal or professional horizons, and, if professional development, bolster career potential, possibly preserving your job in difficult times.

So, do I follow this rule. Yes, I practice what I preach and hold 17 separate certifications, take several webcasts annually, and I am about to hold gain another certification. Do I advertise all of them? No, as many are antiquated and no longer apply, but I do certainly maintain several of them, and look to strengthen my skillset when possible with new training. Before you think, wow, she is addicted to training. I have been in business over 19 years and some of the certifications took six to eight weeks and some six months, so I don’t spend all my time obtaining them. I do however understand several things very important to coaching. One, I must realize I don’t have all the answers. Two, I must be willing to constantly challenge myself and learn new techniques, assessment types, ways of viewing a client issue, etc. Third, I must be willing to be coached and critiqued if I am to be an effective coach and writer to others. This means professional and personal development and having a coach. Soon, I will be participating in a mastermind group, and look forward to seeing how that might strengthen my business as well. Of course, that will probably prompt another article.

Where do I find the time? Well, to put it simply, I make the time, and so can you. We choose what we make time for in our lives. I will give you a couple of examples of friends who do this effectively. I have a friend who has four children, all very engaged in a variety of school and personal activities, she takes care of an elderly relative in her home, has a husband who works a great deal of overtime, works a full-time job herself, and is going to back to school to get her masters. Oh, and by the way, she is setting the grade curve in all her classes with her awesomeness. I am, needless to say, truly proud of her. Where does she get the time? She decided to make the time.

The second friend is a business woman, has two young children, a husband who runs his own successful business, is highly involved in volunteer activities, and she trains others in her business as well. Both ladies are more than full time, and both make it work because they made a decision.

We are the “excusitis” crowd in this day and age (yes, I made up the word), a multi-generational group constantly saying we don’t have time. Yet, we watch too much television, sit on iPhones and digital devices wasting hours of time, and run ourselves (and our children) ragged with excess activities we have no need to do. Whether it is just hard for you to say no to something or you are someone who simply cannot have downtime, you have created this situation! Stop saying you don’t have time for something as important as your career and personal development. Make time, it will pay huge dividends. That television show you miss, phone or digital device time you give up, or extra activity you should never have said yes to in the first place will not suffer, but if you don’t make time to improve yourself, your life and career will be impaired.

So, I ask, will you make the decision/resolution to create a little extra time in your schedule to be a better you in 2019, both in your career and personal life? To paraphrase a popular commercial – are you worth it?

Karen Silins is a multi-certified, award winning resume writer, career, business and personal branding coach working with individuals and small businesses. After graduating with degrees in education and vocal performance, she made her own career transition into the Human Resources realm. Karen left Human Resources to become an entrepreneur and help jobseekers, executives and fellow entrepreneurs achieve their goals. She keeps current regarding trends in the resume writing, coaching, HR, small business and marketing industries by working daily with individual clients on resume development and career coaching, executive/career management coaching, consulting for small businesses in business plan development, marketing, blogging, hiring and overall HR processes, and providing 30-70+ seminars and workshops annually to a variety of organizations in the greater Kansas City area. She can be reached via her website at www.careerandresume.com.

Categories Business Coaching, Career Management, Career Transition, Careers, Job Search
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The Illusion

December 10th, 2018

Did you watch the television news magazine 60-Minutes last evening (12/09/18)? One of their feature pieces was on how electronic devices are particularly habit forming, and social media plays on that dependency, serving to severely depress many teens. Despite our knowing inherently that social media comparisons are unreal, anxiety inducing, and limiting to your life, many still believe all that they read. That impression you are often reading of the “incredible” relationship, busyness of every meal cooked, places visited, and chores completed, supposed sadness or happiness, and all the other minutia can quite often be to garner sympathy, jealousy or merely to portray a false narrative. For the addictive mind or teenage mind, it can be life altering. Many a study has been done showing how teenage minds and those with habit forming behaviors can suffer from compulsive social media use (see list of articles with studies cited below). These sites can trigger ADD or ADHD or send an already addictive personality spiraling into the morass of seemingly fun, but ultimately harmful obsessive use.

Here are several other articles specific to ADD, ADHD and addiction, and other articles related to social media use and its impact on our life, lest you think this is merely an opinion piece. These articles cite studies with links or specific info on who did the study with results, and anecdotal evidence as well. I also provide full links, so you can view the variety of organizations and publications offering this info online. Whether you choose to view the articles is up to you:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-zoe/2013/01/social-medias-hidden-adhd-challenge/

https://www.newsweek.com/adhd-linked-social-media-texting-and-other-digital-media-study-1027662

https://psychcentral.com/lib/social-medias-impact-on-relationships/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/13/social-media-addiction_n_6302814.html

https://www.pcmag.com/news/363763/how-social-media-addiction-is-changing-teen-behaviors

https://www.computerworld.com/article/3014439/internet/social-media-addiction-is-a-bigger-problem-than-you-think.html

https://www.ultius.com/ultius-blog/entry/social-media-and-its-effect-on-addictive-behavior-and-mental-health.html

So, here are some helpful tips. Avoid using social media and digital devices in general during work, on every break, and throughout the evening at home. Set strict time limits and stick to them to keep it from taking over your life. NEVER USE YOUR PHONE OR DIGITAL DEVICE WHILE DRIVING (frankly the fact I had to put this in the article makes me sick). Take the phones and iPads/digital devices out of the bedroom at night to avoid temptation. Don’t allow use of the phone by teens at night, or quite frankly in the evening, where you can be making dinner, sleeping or out running errands, and they can be sitting on their phone texting and perusing social media sites and YouTube videos ad nauseum. Keep the phone until the teens head off for school. If necessary, find the affected person a counselor to prescribe a program to reduce time spent using social media and to calm the obsession.

With the increase in teen and adult suicide, depression, and anxiety, reducing social media influence in your life and theirs is a win-win. Your life and theirs will be better for it. Lastly, let me share what a wise (both sage and smarty pants) friend once told me: “Karen, here is what I want from a phone… when I talk into it, people can talk back to me, if I need to text, it will send it and I can receive one, people can leave me a message, and occasionally, I may want the GPS app, beyond that, it is just wasting my precious time, and life here on this earth is too short already to spend on my phone or digital device.” Well said!

Karen Silins is a multi-certified, award winning resume writer, career, business and personal branding coach working with individuals and small businesses. After graduating with degrees in education and vocal performance, she made her own career transition into the Human Resources realm. Karen left Human Resources to become an entrepreneur and help jobseekers, executives and fellow entrepreneurs achieve their goals. She keeps current regarding trends in the resume writing, coaching, HR, small business and marketing industries by working daily with individual clients on resume development and career coaching, executive/career management coaching, consulting for small businesses in business plan development, marketing, blogging, hiring and overall HR processes, and providing 30-70+ seminars and workshops annually to a variety of organizations in the greater Kansas City area. She can be reached via her website at www.careerandresume.com.

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